Sweet November Rain.

I'm just sitting here, listening to the heavy rain beat on the window, the only thing that breaks the silence of being alone. I sit and try to think of the words to write, the things to say. Why is it in these crucial times, before a test, before I do anything of importance that my mind which is constantly going during every hour of the night and day suddenly goes blank? It makes no sense and it pisses me off. Sometimes it's better not to think, to have the thoughts suddenly come to you without dealing with the stress that it takes to make them come...if that makes any fucking sense. This has been a repeating night, the fifth straight night of rain and bitter frost.

But this rain...I still love it. The smell of rain, it's freezing touch that instantly brings you into this cold, hardened world. It defines Oregon, and no matter how many times I moved it has always been around here. In the ever green, hippie state which cherishes it's forests and wildlife. We're the big recycling freaks over here...I try to when I can, but I'm not all that obsessive over little things like that. If you throw away a piece of paper in a trash bin, it won't hurt anyone.

It being so cold out now, I went for a swim inside with my brother. There's an indoor pool near us with a hot tub. My legs still being incredibly sore, I wanted to soak them to ease the pain, release the tension. I took my brother with me as I began to put myself under...and of course just then with my shitty luck three idiot teenage boys walk in. They laugh among themselves, whistling and making comments about me that I pretend not to hear.

"I'm getting horny, dude." I hear one say. They see the steam coming out of the water and say that it's, "Smoking hot." I roll my eyes and put my ears under the water so I didn't have to hear. Closed my eyes so I didn't have to see. But it being so damn hot and the sweat collecting on my face, my cheeks a burning red, I gasp coming out of the water, tucking back my hair. The four guys stare at me, I look at my brother and smile so I don't have to make eye contact with any of them. He brought a ball that we toss around, and the boys take part of this. Slamming it into each others faces, one boy keeps doing backflips into the freezing pool to get my attention off my brother. They all run and chase each other around the pool, despite having glass at the bottom of the surface of the water and on the tiles. I guess I'm the only one that can feel it. A boy, his name was Spencer I believe, had short blonde hair and light blue eyes. He asks for my name, where I go to school and all that, pretending to have some sort of interest in me. A pattern that never ends. I'm so damn sore that I don't want to leave, so I answer the questions and smile. Play their game. His friend shoves his ass in my face jokingly when he was next to me. I tell my brother we should leave, he wants to stay. They question me more asking if I'm a virgin...it's then I dunk my head under again and from below the water I can hear their laughs. I leave when they do hours later, them talking among themselves as I wrap the towel around my brother and I and we walk into the outside, frigid air. My brother without a shirt on his back, myself with a takini on. I feel that cold rain come down as we start the long walk home. If these boys are our future then our generation is fucked...

Later that night we went to the mall to hear CHRISTMAS music playing on the intercom, What is up with the damn Christmas music coming on the day right after fucking Halloween?! That is WAY too early. I mean, I love Christmas but I want to enjoy it when it's time to. Not the moment after another holiday, in fact it should be after Thanksgiving the Christmas ads and things should be going on, not now in the beginning of November...or well, it's mid November now, isn't it? Wow, how time goes by. How come it goes on so fast when you're doing something you love? It drags when you're studying, stressing, sobbing, trying to forget things...

Basketball is going decent at least. I don't even have a single practice this whole Thanksgiving break, that's for being in JV II. Oh well. I just received my uniform and I'm number 33 We are officially moving to Dayton December 15th!! It will be sooner than we planned Just three more weeks, I don't want to wait!

In other news I also got The Rolling Stone Led Zeppelin magazine It's pretty awesome and has pictures of Percy and Jimmy...there's a bit of drool on the pages too It's Rolling Stone, but you should definetley get it anyway as it's a limited edition copy and has great articles about their band history and things. (Even though I disagree with their top forty song list of theirs. )

We have a whole week off for Thanksgiving break, which I have to use to study for finals the week after. I'm not stressing too much since I have high As in every class except for Algebra 2, and my teacher is also giving us a lot of extra credit I can do to bump my 89 to a ninety something...and believe me. After I took that test yesterday, I'm gonna need all the help I can get for this class.  

I'm going to try to draw, write things, and take time to do things I never got the chance to do...but not before hours of studying and basketball in the rain.