The Music's Finally Over.

Before I continue I just have to put this out there since this is long overdue. Congrats Mel, hopeburnsblue on this breathtaking poem which was recognized as a Daily Deviation on June 1st.  She never fails to amaze me as a captivating writer who astonishes me with her achievements.

Throwback ThursdayYou know what I miss?
The simple days
of aimless buses and trains,
like magic carpets
that helped us to escape,
if only for a little while.
I miss the endless walks
that led to hours of
strip mall shenanigans--
spinning in desk chairs,
petting that little blind kitten,
and reading anything
from cheesy joke books
to Frost's melancholic verse.
I miss cheap deli lunches,
discounted coffee house milkshakes, and
midnight conversations on the swings
at your old elementary school,
with the moon so bright that
I could see your T-shirt.
Remember that time when, hot chocolate in hand,
we followed the sound
of live fiesta music
sailing on the hollow winter air
until we nearly crashed
a Hispanic family's party?
Or what about the moments
of heartbroken silence
when we discovered
the ruins of a piano
at the church
that was once your daycare?
I remember climbing, barefoot,
halfway up Ricky's fence
to watch his illegal fireworks
and stealing Mom's car
in the dead of night,
just for store-bought Chines

I love this poem because it's a poem about life; about taking risks and making wonderful memories and telling marvelous stories years down the road.

It also helped me reflect on events in my own life. I wish that my own relationship could have been like the one described so elequently, with similar special moments. My (ex) boyfriend hasn't contacted me since prom a few months ago, so I assume he doesn't want to date anymore and I'm fine with that, nothing else has to be said. I'm sick of dating and of immature boyfriends. Our relationship really only consisted of passing time playing or watching something, mostly him leaving the bonus rooms in Dead Ops Arcade to piss my brother and I off, but it did last a year which seems like a lifetime for a high schooler but it really isn't that much time at all. I don't know him as much as I should for dating him for a year. It's over and I'm glad it's over.

Besides that drama, this last month was insanely crazy.

I got high:



My dad surprised me with a Tandem skydiving jump the morning of my commencement. The people at Pacific Northwest Skydiving center were super sweet and made me feel so relaxed even in jumping out of a moving airplane and falling out of the sky for the first (and possibly only) time in my life.

I went out with the Beatles on my last day of school in our talent show:



I sang this song during the first talent show I've ever did in Junior High, and this one's my eighth. The Beatles was the first rock band I was introduced to and this was paying tribute to them and to all the wonderful music and bands I obsessed over in high school. I love music and would do something like this whenever the opportunity comes up, but these chances will be more seldom as I get older and so I'm glad I got to do this, I had a blast.

I beat the system: (with honors)











On senior awards night I won two additional $1500 scholarships, which means my first two years of college are tuition free! I also received the honor of the Outstanding Student of Social Studies and now have my named engraved in the Social Studies category of our high school academic board.

For my College Writing final, I wrote a twenty-five page essay and gave a thirty-three minute presentation on my topic of, "Why Has Prohibition Failed in America?" and correlated the events of alcohol prohibition to today's War on Drugs, and suggested alternate approaches to prohibitionist movements, even as many of our leaders still see it as a viable solution despite it's numerous failures throughout American history. I've begged my English teacher for my portfolio back, because I worked harder on it than she gives me credit for, and it might be helpful for my brother who has just graduated Junior High.

I didn't get to speak at commencement (barely missed Salutatorian because of damn Algebra 2), but today I got to speak at the American Legion Auxiliary Convention, and I can't think of many better things than addressing a room full of honorable veterans who fought for our country.       

The week after I graduated, I came back to Oregon Girls State as a Junior Counselor, which gave me confidence last year and leadership skills this year.





This year was by far my most exciting and I've grown more my senior year than any other year of my life. I learned work ethic from transcribing TV shows, documentaries, and magazines for National Geographic. I learned how to study by taking Political Philosophy, Intro to Politics, Psychology, and Sociology this year at Corban University. I learned how to think on my toes by competing in (and getting my ass kicked in) collegiate debate tournaments throughout the Northwest (or just in Washington and Oregon. ). I wasn't expecting to win any, considering most of these students were college juniors that have been competing since middle school, but the one time at Linfield College that Shelby and I placed first overshadowed every defeat and made every tournament worth it. In the wake of many people telling me I couldn't do things my entire life, this is a sweet victory for us. People laughed at me for even considering Corban because of how expensive it is, and after being admitted in Corban's early admit program I couldn't imagine going anywhere else, and with prayers, dedication, and drive we made it happen. My declared major is Political Science and my minors are Biblical Studies and Communications.

I do wish that music could somehow still be in the picture. Before all of this unfolded, I was going to be a music teacher and major in Music Education, but after doing an internship this January I found that it wasn't all what I thought it would be. I couldn't do choir this year at my school because it was at the same time as College Writing, which was a mandatory class. So I did Concert Choir at Corban this year instead as a second soprano (I always screwed up and sang first soprano by habit), and I'm not very fond of our choir director and am kind of discouraged from even being in choir, even though I still love to sing, especially to God. I've always thought I would go to college to study music not because I'm really talented in it, but because it was all I've known. I learned to speak through singing songs, because communicating any other way was so difficult for me. My dad sang to me patiently for hours. I've joined a children's church choir when I was nine and sang on a stage, in front of an audience, for the very first time and have since gotten addicted to the feeling of being a part of something bigger than myself. I was always shy in person, but onstage I loved being someone I'm not. I started to write and play music and throughout all the drama at school there was nothing better than making and listening to God's beautiful gift of music.

But now that dream is gone altogether. Music in high school never really worked out. After being the sole soprano of our three person honor choir in high school for my sophomore and junior years of high school, my old teacher Mr. Sause flaked out on us after receiving a job offer from Lake Oswego, one of Oregon's richest and most prominent cities with one of the best high schools in the state, if not the country. After my junior year of high school I finally stopped wearing band shirts since my college is pretty conservative and when they see the names "Led Zeppelin" and "Pink Floyd" they only associate these groups with the sex and drugs and they couldn't care less about the rock and roll. I'm a proud Christian, but I must admit that most of our modern Christian music playing on air is lame. God is all powerful, why doesn't our music reflect that? I love the hymns and the gospel choirs never fail to give me chills, but it seems as if there's no emotion in a lot of our monotone modern Christian rock, rap and hip hop.

A part of me really doesn't want to give up music forever. I will join another church choir somewhere if Concert Choir at Corban doesn't work out. Maybe I could sing for a band just for fun, but how many people nowadays even form garage bands? I was looking forward to their music program and gaining voice lessons and experience and learning to play more instruments, but "the child has grown, the dream is gone." Now I found my voice through political activism, and I want to spread awareness about autism and other issues I care about. I could work at the state capitol near us in Salem, and I always get an adrenaline rush just walking in the building, so working there would be exhilarating.

I don't have a plan, but I sure like pretending I do. Sure I'm majoring in Political Science now, but I don't know whether I want to go into law school, or work in state government, or be a history teacher, or a researcher/journalist. I love that Political Science is a broad field with many opportunities, and that I have four years (give or take) to explore the options. I won Supreme Court Justice at Girls State last year, and this year I got to introduce and present an award to Oregon's own Supreme Court Justice, Jack Landau. I got to hear him, attorneys, legislators, and even our own governor, Kate Brown speak about how they got to where they are now and 95% of them were at the same place I am now; with some sort of an idea but not without confusion and sometimes doubt in themselves.

If I do doubt myself, I'll remember that we as a family have overcame the impossible. We've moved from apartment to apartment enduring mice, bedbugs, flies, fleas, cockroaches and all the like with scars that healed and love that helped us endured through the worst of times. I went to therapy after therapy, teacher after teacher and to many programs and have taken many supplements to just say my first words at around six or seven years old. I was physically separated from my peers by administrators in grade school, then was an outcast from them in middle school, and didn't have a social life in high school. I used to write down every day of my life in journals, and now I just don't have the time anymore. I love dA because it doesn't matter how long you go away for, or how far you live for one another, but people just love and accept you unconditionally which is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. Friends on dA were my catalyst for wanting to write, not English teachers. There needs to be better teachers for these students, Oregon has the worst on-time graduation rate in the country at 69%. There was only 58 out of 90 students enrolled as a senior that graduated as my high school's class of 2015. After recently accepting the Common Core state standards and the Smarter Balance test that percentage can only get worse.
 
If I were to go into music, I wouldn't have been eligible for the $60,000 political science scholarship that is making it even possible for me to attend school, so this is a blessing in disguise. I just want to find a way to keep music in my life because my greatest regret would be losing the only thing I've ever known for so long. Still, that doesn't mean I'm not open to new hobbies, new passions, new joys, loves, directions, journeys. This is only the beginning.

Then as it was, then again it will be.
And though the course may change sometimes,
Rivers always reach the sea.